J.D. Dolan
04-01-2005, 11:53 AM
This morning, the Billiard Congress of America announced over $1,000,000 in endorsement contracts for world-renowned one pocket players. This is believed to be the first union of corporate America with the rapidly growing sport of one pocket. The endorsements for these "spokesplayers" range from $50,000 to $250,000, and will be renegotiated after one year. "That will give us enough time to assess the impact of the endorsements," said Jacque Aprile, head of the BCA's promotions division. Aprile added, "Next year, the contracts will likely go much higher."
"The BCA has initiated a feat of prestidigitation unlike any other in the world or elsewhere," said, Grady Mathews, long known as "The Professor" of one pocket. Mathews, the new spokesplayer for the Random House Guide to Clear & Concise English, added, "Indubitably forthwith."
Danny DiLiberto, the spokesplayer for the Catholic Church, said he believed the endorsements were beneficial to both sides. "The Catholic Church has been hit pretty hard these last few years, so they wanted to come with a more wholesome image. And with my game these last few years, well, it don't hurt to have the Pope on my side."
Cliff Joyner, the spokesplayer for Comedy Central, said he believed these endorsements were a natural fit between the right companies and the right players. "For example," Joyner said, "Comedy Central picked me because my antics at the table fit with their whole mood."
Scott Frost, the spokesplayer for Frigidaire, agreed. "I'm a natural fit for Frigidaire--and I'm excited to be working with spokesactor Ice T."
Buddy "The Rifleman" Hall and Shannon "The Cannon" Daulton, co-spokesplayers for Winchester Firearms, also agreed. "I was in talks with Weight Watchers, but the deal fell through," said Hall. "This one's a better deal for everybody. Better'n a wet mule anyway."
Not all of the players were as enthusiastic about their endorsement contracts, nor were all of the endorsers as enthusiastic about the spokesplayers. Ronnie Allen, spokeplayer for the law firm of Platis, Platis and Platis, said, "Harry's a goddamned nit! Why should a punk like Frost be getting twice what I'm getting?" In a written response, the head of the law firm, Harry Platis, said, "Shut up and play, Ronnie! You're working for me!"
Another spokesplayer, Jose Parica (Jose Cuervo Inc.), wasn't as unhappy with his endorsement deal as he was with the slogan that accompanies his image: "Put a Little Jose in Your Life."
The highest earning spokesplayer, Effren "The Magician" Reyes, was awarded $250,000 by the Kleenex division of Kimberly-Clarke. When asked if his endorsement deal was inspired by his own need of the product or by the need of his weeping opponents, Reyes replied, "I don't know--both! I'm just lucky!"
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"The BCA has initiated a feat of prestidigitation unlike any other in the world or elsewhere," said, Grady Mathews, long known as "The Professor" of one pocket. Mathews, the new spokesplayer for the Random House Guide to Clear & Concise English, added, "Indubitably forthwith."
Danny DiLiberto, the spokesplayer for the Catholic Church, said he believed the endorsements were beneficial to both sides. "The Catholic Church has been hit pretty hard these last few years, so they wanted to come with a more wholesome image. And with my game these last few years, well, it don't hurt to have the Pope on my side."
Cliff Joyner, the spokesplayer for Comedy Central, said he believed these endorsements were a natural fit between the right companies and the right players. "For example," Joyner said, "Comedy Central picked me because my antics at the table fit with their whole mood."
Scott Frost, the spokesplayer for Frigidaire, agreed. "I'm a natural fit for Frigidaire--and I'm excited to be working with spokesactor Ice T."
Buddy "The Rifleman" Hall and Shannon "The Cannon" Daulton, co-spokesplayers for Winchester Firearms, also agreed. "I was in talks with Weight Watchers, but the deal fell through," said Hall. "This one's a better deal for everybody. Better'n a wet mule anyway."
Not all of the players were as enthusiastic about their endorsement contracts, nor were all of the endorsers as enthusiastic about the spokesplayers. Ronnie Allen, spokeplayer for the law firm of Platis, Platis and Platis, said, "Harry's a goddamned nit! Why should a punk like Frost be getting twice what I'm getting?" In a written response, the head of the law firm, Harry Platis, said, "Shut up and play, Ronnie! You're working for me!"
Another spokesplayer, Jose Parica (Jose Cuervo Inc.), wasn't as unhappy with his endorsement deal as he was with the slogan that accompanies his image: "Put a Little Jose in Your Life."
The highest earning spokesplayer, Effren "The Magician" Reyes, was awarded $250,000 by the Kleenex division of Kimberly-Clarke. When asked if his endorsement deal was inspired by his own need of the product or by the need of his weeping opponents, Reyes replied, "I don't know--both! I'm just lucky!"
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